


Ambivalence

by luvminsung



Series: About Us [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Porn, Exes, Friends With Benefits, Hand Jobs, M/M, Relationship Issues, Versatile MinSung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:46:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29397156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvminsung/pseuds/luvminsung
Summary: You have to be a fool not to know that a “no strings attached” arrangement never ends well.Jisung is a fool.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: About Us [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192529
Comments: 47
Kudos: 76
Collections: MINSUNG FICATHON: Round One; 2020





	Ambivalence

**Author's Note:**

> `Written for [MINSUNG FICATHON](http://twitter.com/minsungficathon), for PROMPT **P039**`  
> 
> 
> `A smut plus angst plot is really a challenge for me. I actually changed the plot four times and the result was probably all over the place, my apologies in advance ♡ Even so, I hope I have satisfied the sender of the prompt!`
> 
> `To the mod of the event, thank you so much for handling this. MinSungers are very much alive again because of this :))`
> 
> `And to you, happy reading ^^`

_Kiss me._

The command was left unspoken when Minho lunged forward to capture Jisung's lips in a searing kiss. Even though Minho can't see it, he can feel Jisung smirking against his lips. _Ah_ , he thought, Jisung had been absolutely waiting for this. They both silently hoped that the walls of their room they were staying in were thick enough to filter their sounds of pleasure. Jisung is not quiet in bed, and as far as he knows, Minho isn't either.

Changbin had invited their whole group of friends into his private resort near his hometown and Minho and Jisung immediately met gazes when they were all asked who would room with whom.

They did various outdoor activities today and _god,_ all Jisung could think about was Minho's warm skin on his and sweet words caressing his ear. That's why when they were all seated around a bonfire under the waxing crescent, while the others were downing the last shots of Bourbon as Seungmin plucked the strings of his guitar to a mellow tune, Jisung wordlessly pulled Minho from the lot and onto their room. 

Now that they were alone, Minho didn't waste any second and planted his lips on Jisung's awaiting ones.

They hurriedly got rid of each other's clothes until only their undergarments remained, and all while Jisung was carefully pushing Minho to the bed, Jisung's bed specifically. He accidentally tore Minho's plum shirt and didn't care one bit.

"Someone's impatient tonight." Minho teased as his back hit the sheets, gasping when Jisung straddled him and pressed his soft lips on Minho's neck, then kissing harder on his throat and down to his chest.

"I've been wanting to do this with you since we got here." Jisung admits, tearing his mouth away from Minho's skin to look into his eyes. "Aren't you proud I lasted the whole fucking day, hyung?"

_Oh_ , this'll end up fast. Minho doesn't want a particularly _slow_ one tonight either.

"Very well then, baby, considering you're horny all the time." Minho chuckled, bringing his fingers up to brush the strands of hair off Jisung's eyes. _"Good boy."_ Minho let his hand rest on Jisung's reddening cheek, finding delight in the way his praise elicits a whimper from the younger.

"Enough talking and more kissing please." The pout on Jisung's face was enough for Minho to submit to the request. He let Jisung take control this time, knowing that he will be more than happy to oblige.

Jisung allowed his tongue to dance with Minho's, sucking and biting his lower lip until he begs for _more_ . Jisung rolled his hips lightly just to tease, their clothed erections rubbing against each other. He couldn't count how many times Minho had teased him for being _so needy_ yet the wet spot on the older's boxers shows how worked up he is already.

" _Jisung,_ " A breathy moan escaped Minho's lips. Jisung pulled away to look at the beautiful man beneath him, Minho's eyes glimmered with want.

_Want._

Jisung wants to feel good but more than that, he wants to make Minho feel good. Jisung has always _wanted_ Minho but he can't help but want _more_ than what they have at the moment. As selfish as it sounds, Jisung wants Minho to want him like that too.

"Hyung, d-do you-" Jisung can't seem to focus. He was trembling with whatever emotions were heightened by just seeing his effect on Minho. The older looked already fucked out and they haven't even started anything yet.

Minho seemed to understand what Jisung struggled to ask when he nodded frantically "I want you inside tonight, want you to fill me."

" _Fuck_ , okay." Jisung grunted, Minho rarely lets him take charge and he swears he dies every time Minho asks him to.

Jisung initiated the kiss this time while slowly palming the older through his boxers and eventually removing the last piece of clothing, allowing his hand to have full access to Minho's aching dick. A hushed curse escaped Minho's mouth, the soft whimpers which came after, rolled on Jisung's lips and he swallowed every delectable sound. The younger's free hand travelled to Minho's chest, settling on one of his nipples and he revelled in the way Minho got louder.

“ _Fuck-_ I'm not gonna last if you _ah!_ continue that."

Jisung knows he's sensitive there but both of his hands moved faster despite the warning. As if it's not enough that he's already teasing Minho, he stopped abruptly, causing the older to whine.

Jisung reached under his pillow, just above Minho's head, to retrieve a lube and condom. Minho would have laughed heartily at how Jisung was so prepared if not for his horny haze. He watched as Jisung poured the strawberry flavoured lube on his fingers, kept his eyes trailed on the younger's every move.

Minho then felt Jisung's hands spread his thighs and pushed his legs until they folded up to his chest. His breath hitched at the first touch of the younger's cold wet fingers on the sensitive skin just right above his awaiting hole. Jisung looked at him, silently asking permission to enter but Minho answered by tugging him down and immediately shoving his tongue inside Jisung's mouth. The younger took it as his cue to push a finger in.

It dawned on Minho that it had been so long since he had bottomed as he winced when Jisung put in two. The slight discomfort was replaced with more _need_ in no time, and Minho then asked for a third.

Jisung savoured the way Minho's moans filled the room and the younger thought that he was so lucky to see Minho fall apart like this.

Minho was someone who'd lead in bed, someone who would top with no reservations and yet, he's willing to be on the opposite end when it comes to Jisung. _Only_ for Jisung.

"Want you, now." Minho quietly pleaded, releasing a sigh at the loss of Jisung's fingers and breath catching in his throat when Jisung's wet cock started entering him. Minho can't remember when Jisung had put on a condom and lubed himself, neither did he even know when he had removed his underwear, but that doesn't really matter when the younger bottomed out and both of them groaned at the feeling.

" _Shit-_ "

Jisung shouldn't be this close to cumming. They have been continuously fucking for almost six months now and yet he felt like a horny teenager who's fucking Minho for the first time.

"You're so hot, hyung." Jisung meant it literally and figuratively. He kept himself busy, nipping at Minho's ear as he slowly thrust in and out of him. He didn't dare look at Minho's eyes at the very moment because he knows that it'll be the end for him. The sounds that Minho was making were enough to drive him crazy.

As if their bodies weren't close enough, Minho laced his ankles behind Jisung to pull him further down. "Faster, Jisungie- harder _please_."

The word 'please' was indeed magic because Jisung let go and pounded into him relentlessly. He knows that Minho wants it rough, and _rough_ he shall get.

" _Fuck-_ yes! my god more, _please-_ " Minho was bucking up to meet his every thrust. Jisung decided to risk it and lifted his head to look at Minho. Below him was truly a sight to behold; Minho had his mouth opened, in contrast with his hooded eyes, and his face contorted in pleasure. The second the older's eyes fluttered open, Jisung knew that Minho was as close as he was.

They kiss sloppily, more tongue wrestling rather than lips. The exchange of hot breath and spit was edging the two who can't seem to get enough of each other.

"H-hyung, I-"

_I love you._

Jisung had always wanted to say that to Minho at least once a day, or at least every time they get intimate like this. It's something that he had been practising, saying it over and over in his head. Because unlike the popular saying _'easier said than done'_ , for Jisung, it was actually the other way around. For Jisung, loving Minho is the easiest thing he can do yet he can't get it out of his chest.

He had said that to Minho more than once, back when they were younger and very much in love. Minho had always been proud to call Jisung _his_.

But now, he's not Minho's, not anymore.

"I.. I'm almost there." Jisung opted to tell Minho instead in between kisses.

"'M close too- _ah!_ gonna cum-"

Jisung took that as his cue to hit his prostate dead-on, making Minho see stars. A few more thrusts and Minho was spurting cum in between them. Jisung immediately followed when he realized that Minho had come untouched, releasing into the condom with a pornographic moan, maybe even louder than the older man as if he was the one getting railed.

"That good?" Minho chuckled, teasing Jisung was his pastime even in his post-orgasm state.

Jisung punched his chest lightly, leaving butterfly kisses on the side of Minho's neck as a habit when coming down from his high. "Sex with you is always good, hyung." It wasn't a lie, but today, it's like everything has doubled and it was _soooo_ much better than their other sexy times. Maybe because they were anticipating the whole day, or maybe because it has been so long since Minho had bottomed. Whatever the reason was, Jisung was in deep bliss.

_I still love you._

Those words were still echoing in his mind as he pulled out of Minho, tied the filled condom, and threw it in the trash. It was still there when they decided to clean up and shower fast. And when they were both in their sleepwear, all cuddled up in Jisung's bed, those words were still left unsaid.

"Jisung? Are you still awake?" Minho scooted closer to the boy, extending the arm that was draped on Jisung's side, proceeding to spoon him.

Jisung felt Minho bury his nose on the back of his neck, inhaling the rosy peach scent that reflected Minho's own.

More than a year ago, Jisung got used to this. This feeling of warmth that Minho was giving him was incomparable. Regardless of the amount of clothing worn, or the weather, or the time of day, just being in Minho's arms may be the safest place on earth if you ask Jisung.

Those strong arms had always protected Jisung and the thought had been haunting him- _What the hell?_ What was he thinking when he decided to leave that warm embrace?

Jisung had his eyes closed but he was wide awake. He purposely didn't answer Minho because he was scared that he might say something that he'll regret later. Jisung was afraid that he might say he _still_ loves Minho and that he wanted him _back_.

"Good night, Jisung." He heard Minho say before planting a kiss on top of his head.

Jisung still feels safe and warm in Minho's arms now, a year and a half after their separation, but he knows he shouldn't feel this way. He knows he doesn't deserve any of this warmth and he hates how he's just letting Minho do this just because Jisung felt good.

The younger had opened his eyes when he heard Minho's little snores behind him. He misses these things too, he misses every little thing but he wouldn't dare say it.

_Good night, Minho-hyung._

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


As boyfriends, Minho and Jisung fought a lot. _A lot_ means almost every day in the last few months of their 3-year long and healthy relationship.

The recurring problem? Jisung had commitment issues.

Don't get him wrong, he loved Minho. Jisung felt happy and was strongly connected with him. He imagined a great future, and in that future, Minho is with him.

It's just that, there are these questions that he couldn't help but think about: _Does he see a future with me too? Will I be ready when that time comes? What will happen if that doesn't work out?_

Jisung got so invested in overthinking these things that it was getting the best of him. It ended up with him fighting with Minho from the smallest of things that turned into huge ones. He got anxious and blamed many things on his boyfriend as trust and romantic feelings became an issue.

Eventually, they broke up and Jisung never felt worse.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Purposely not seeing each other is one thing, accidentally meeting at the condiments aisle in the supermarket is another.

_"Hey, Ji-"_

_"Hyung-"_

An awkward silence followed that exchange. It has been almost a year since they last saw each other after all. It was weird seeing Minho grocery shopping there when he lives one and a half hours away compared to Jisung who would only walk to the next block to get home.

_"I got relocated for my new job and moved here a few days ago, I knew I would bump into you some time but I didn't think it would be this soon."_

Minho had explained when Jisung actually asked if the grocery stores at his town were all closed that's why he was here. The idea of his ex wanting to see him crossed Jisung's mind but he didn't give it much thought because- _why?_ Why would Minho want to see him anyway? Besides if Minho wanted that, he could’ve directly gone to Jisung, right?

There were four things that Jisung had gradually discovered since he met Minho at the supermarket:

1\. Minho lives two blocks away from him.

2\. Minho hasn’t finished unpacking yet. Jisung knows because he had seen the boxes just lying around Minho’s living room when he had invited him over for dinner.

3\. Minho’s lips still tasted like that strawberry milk lip balm he uses.

4\. _Oh god_ , Jisung had missed that taste so much.

  
  


Kissing Minho wasn't the only thing Jisung had missed, he also had been longing for his touch, his hot breath fanning his ear, he missed having sex with Minho in general. And so the night Minho offered dinner at his house, Jisung did not let the chance slip and Minho was on the same page as him.

Sex had been a common occurrence between the two and that led them to where they are now. Casual sex partners, fuck buddies, friends- _ex_ with benefits, whatever Minho and Jisung are called, but Jisung knows he had broken the first rule right before they even started.

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


The next day, the group ate breakfast together at the resort’s restaurant. It just started with Hyunjin screeching at how his head hurts like hell from the previous night’s drinking session and a series of chatter and endless bickering began. They ate while they discussed what to do for the day but Jisung’s attention was on the half-eaten waffle on his plate, like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.

“Sung, let’s get ice cream?” Changbin had that soft smile when Jisung looked up. He then realized that they were the only ones left on the table, he remembered hearing Jeongin saying he wanted to check out the spa and entertainment area, the others must’ve come with him except for Changbin.

Jisung’s mom will scold him for having sweets in the morning but he could never turn down chocolate ice cream especially if it’s on Changbin. They got ice creams from the machine and walked to the balcony connecting to the restaurant. The view from there was astonishing, the sun was blazing but the breeze brought by the sea was cool enough to compensate for the intense warmth.

“You can tell me anything. You know that, right?” Changbin’s question kept Jisung from admiring the beautiful scenery before them. Jisung knows that Changbin is not here to just eat ice cream while sightseeing. Everybody’s close to one another but Changbin knew Jisung better than anybody.

“I know, hyung.” Jisung answered as he took a teaspoonful of his soft serve. Maybe Jisung just needed someone to talk to. Besides, he can’t keep things to himself forever.

“It’s…Minho-hyung,” He began and Changbin was all ears. “I want to get back together with him so bad but I just- I just couldn’t bring myself to say that I still love him. I don’t want to go through that messed-up phase of doubting everything again, hyung. What should I do?” 

Jisung could hear his voice waver as he said the last words. He was desperate to get an answer, of what will be his next step. He doesn’t know if it’s good because it’s safe that he’s stuck here now or he should make a move and start things, or end it. Jisung was so afraid that he might hurt Minho’s feelings again just because of those stupid voices inside his head. He was so lost.

“What are you so afraid of, Jisung? Are you afraid that he might not be the one? That you’re not good enough for him? That he might not feel the same?”

Jisung is afraid of a lot of things. He’s afraid of heights, ghosts, bugs, but nothing compares to how he’s so afraid to lose Minho again.

“I’m afraid I might burst if I don’t tell him how much he means to me.” The ice cream on his cup was melting but he couldn’t care less.

“Then you should tell him how you really feel.” Changbin simply said. “Sometimes we have that fear in us that if we’d actually take a deeper look, it’s baseless. If you think that the benefit is greater than that of what you fear, I suggest you should go for it. And you know that a relationship is a mutual experience of the good and the bad, hear Minho-hyung out too.”

Changbin is right. What's important is that he needs to stand his ground and accept whatever may come his way, solve it and not run away from it. Jisung feels a lot lighter and encouraged now. “Thanks, hyung.”

He decided to take the next step.

  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


_From:_ **_Linoring_ **

_I'll be there in two._

The corners of Jisung's mouth quirk up, forming a smile. A week has passed since their friends outing and Minho and Jisung are back to their Saturday night routine.

Tonight, it was Jisung’s place.

The whole day they were messaging each other, Minho was complaining about how he hated staying overtime at the office on the weekends. Jisung just ribbed him, saying that he’s just irritated because he’s horny and it’s Saturday- _their_ Saturday. Minho didn’t deny.

“I’ll just take a shower, I smell and look like shit.” It seemed like two minutes were only two seconds when he heard Minho call from the living room.

He then heard the water run from the shower and Jisung giggled at the thought that Minho was almost living with him. Minho has his own toiletries, even his towel and some clothes hung on Jisung's closet.

Jisung just remembered that the lube he was using was now empty and was busy rummaging the other drawer for his extra when Minho busted in his room, hair sexily slicked back and towel draped around his waist like how movies depict every girl’s wet dream.

But this, Jisung realized, this is _real_ and only for him to see.

Just as the younger male got hold of the still-sealed lube and a condom, Minho walked towards Jisung and kissed the living daylights out of him. Jisung let out a squeal when Minho manhandled and carried him, his legs automatically embracing his hips and _shit,_ he can feel that Minho was already hard.

Minho carried Jisung to the bed, carefully laying him down on the mattress as they kissed with purpose. Hands and lips were all over each other, they just seemed to can't get enough.

Jisung felt Minho tug on the hem of his shorts, signalling him to remove it as he trails kisses down the expanse of his stomach, exposed from where his red hoodie had ridden up. He finally helps Jisung take off his shorts, along with his briefs, and he hisses at the contact of Minho's fingers on his hardening cock.

"Sensitive baby." Minho snickered, lowering himself in level with Jisung's legs and gently placed pecks on his pretty thighs all while slowly stroking Jisung's erection.

Minho spread the younger's legs with his free hand and immediately dove in, biting and sucking the soft skin of his inner thighs.

" _Ah- hyung,_ " Jisung's a moaning mess. He didn't know where to turn his head, or where to put his hand until he found purchase on Minho's hair when he felt wet lips on his balls. Minho's mouth was so good, it was driving Jisung nuts.

Minho continued fisting his dick and was gradually taking the whole of Jisung in his mouth. The younger's ragged breathing was an indication that he was almost there, so Minho gave him one hard suck and a kiss on the tip before letting go.

"I was close!" Jisung whined and Minho just laughed at how cute he was, peppering kisses on his jaw as a silent apology.

"My turn." He whispered in Jisung's ear and before he could respond, Minho unwrapped the towel and threw it somewhere in the room as he sat back on the bed. Jisung was going to do the same with his hoodie but Minho stopped him and prompted him to sit up, gesturing on his lap "C'mere, keep that on."

Jisung quickly followed, meeting Minho's eyes as he climbed onto him. They just stared at each other for a moment, Jisung couldn't fully read Minho's expression. It was soft but his eyes looked worried, maybe a bit confused and scared, a mix of all of those.

"What's wrong?" Jisung reached a hand and placed it on the other man's cheek. "Do you want to stop?"

Minho shook his head and smiled "No, nothing's wrong, and I want to do this." He mirrored Jisung's hand on his face, pulling the younger towards him and softly kissing him.

Jisung wanted to cry at how tender it was, how Minho was gently holding him like he would break if he made a wrong move.

Jisung kissed him harder before a tear could even slip out. It got heated in a matter of seconds, Minho leaned back just to find the lube before unsealing and uncapping it. He poured the wet substance on his hand and lubricated his awaiting cock. Minho gave himself a few pumps before tugging Jisung's hand and replaced it with his.

Jisung leaned in to nip at Minho's neck up to right under his ear where the older likes it the most.

"Jisung-" Minho gasped at the other's particularly hard yank on his dick. Minho reached out his lubed hand behind Jisung, resting it on the cheek of his butt. "Can I take care of you this time?"

Jisung nodded fervently "Yes, please hyungie."

Minho poured more lube now directly on his fingers, prodding one behind Jisung as he finished. It made the younger stop kissing him, relishing the feeling of Minho's finger in him and concentrating on the task at hand.

Jisung continued to work him, flicking his wrist the way it'll feel good on Minho and swiping his thumb on his leaking slit from time to time.

Minho had his lower lip between his teeth, he didn't let himself be weakened by how amazing Jisung's hand was on him. Instead, he put more fingers inside him, one after another, scissoring them and trying to hit all the good spots that had Jisung whimpering on his shoulder.

"You sound so fucking good, Ji." Minho grunted, hearing Jisung’s cries of bliss.

" _H-hyung_ , I'm ready."

"How do you want to do this?" Minho slowed down his fingers in time with Jisung's strokes.

"Want to ride you." And _oh_ , Minho's dick twitched at that.

He then pulled out his fingers, quickly opened the condom, and rolled the latex on his shaft. Jisung positioned himself on Minho before carefully pushing down, revelling in the stretch. Both sighed in content as Jisung swallowed Minho fully. They kissed as Jisung moved his hips, the older's hands helped him keep in motion.

The neglected cock peeking thru Jisung's hoodie was bouncing between them as Jisung worked faster, brows creased in concentration and mouth slightly gaping.

“Baby, you feel so good.” Minho wanted this to last but it seemed impossible when Jisung looked so good like this.

Jisung was obviously tired, his legs were about to give up but he wanted Minho to cum from this so bad.

“I’ll take it from here.” Minho had insisted when he noticed that Jisung had slowed down. The younger didn’t argue anymore and let his back touch the bed as Minho hovered over him.

Jisung liked this viewpoint the best, he can see and kiss Minho better whenever they’re face-to-face. The intimacy is just on another level which reminds Jisung that back then, they didn’t just do this as a pastime, or a way to just relieve stress. They had sex out of love and the utmost care, it was different and much more meaningful and it crossed Jisung’s mind, _can they go there again one more time?_

Minho lined his cock in Jisung’s entrance, pushing in as he let his tongue intertwine with Jisung’s. He steadily slid in and out, Jisung can feel how deep Minho is inside him. He knows that no one can ever make him feel this good the way Minho does. “ _Hyung_ -”

_I missed you so much._

One of Minho’s hands that were caging the younger’s head went down, hooked his arm on one of Jisung’s legs and hoisted up into his chest. He rammed into him, angling just right to hit that sweet spot that had Jisung nearly in tears “ _M-Minho hyung!_ ”

_I want you back. Come back to me._

Minho was close to orgasm himself. His other hand landed on Jisung’s crotch and rapidly jerked him off. A few more deep thrusts and Jisung unravelled beneath him. He was so pretty, cumming so hard, and what Jisung said in a voice ever so faint brought Minho to the edge.

“I love you, hyung.”

The condom was filled with Minho’s release, he came with a loud groan and collapsed above the younger, feeling Jisung’s light kisses on whatever skin his lips could reach. They stayed like that for a while, Minho gave him another chaste kiss as he pulled out. He tied the filled condom and threw it in the trash bin.

Something has shifted and Jisung felt the need to elaborate his confession.

“Hyung,”

“Jisung,”

They both said at the same time. They were on the bed, lying side by side, heads turning to face the other as their names were called.

“Oh, you first.” Jisung said, noticing that Minho has something to say to him too.

He had braced himself for the talk that they were about to have. Jisung had been stalling for too long and he knows that this is the right time to get directly to the point.

Jisung was ready, but nothing prepared him for what Minho was going to say.

“I’m seeing someone.”

  
  
  
  


You have to be a fool not to know that a “no strings attached” arrangement _never_ ends well.

Jisung is a fool.

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2, maybe? :)


End file.
